What is it like to be depressed?

I've always wondered what it is like to be depressed. I see the ads on TV for this or that product or this or that  "clinical study." But I think I am depressed. I am tired all of the time and I can't blame it all on starting on Zyrtec this week. What the generic Wal Zyr did was to take away the nearly debilitation headaches I had been experiencing for about a month. Two days after starting the Wal Zyr my headaches were gone and I felt better. Unfortunately the warning for drowsiness was fairly accurate. But I am hoping that my body will adjust and the drowsiness will diminish. Or, I guess it will back to Allegra, well the generic Allegra. Man not having health really does suck.
Walgreens has a nifty prescription card that helps pay for medications and that's cool. My high blood pressure meds are not all that expensive, but the prescription generic Allegra is crazy high, like over $40 for 30 pills. So it is to over the counter I go back to. I guess what scares me, and maybe that is what is depressing, is that I am not feeling well, but I can't afford to go to the doctor to figure out what it is. Like so many others in my situation, I have to just bull through it and hope it goes away on its own.

Inspired by another writer in my writing circle

Thanks to Pat I may be inspired to write more, write to my grandkids from time to time.

Dear Andrew, Jesse, Lauren, and Alexis

On this Mother's Day I must write a short note to the four of you. You all mean so much to me, I am blessed that I get to see you all nearly every day. The boys not so much as my girls, but I so enjoy every moment with all of you. Remember to have fun every day and hug something, even if it one of your many animals. They count too, and sometimes may need that hug more than humans do from time to time.

Love Grammy

Googling yourself

So, I bet you really haven't tried to Google Earth yourself. No I mean really, looking back into your life and seeing yourself. I just submitted my first attempt at Google Earth of myself to the Story Circle Network. I am thinking of doing an ongoing Google of myself and my life as a way to put down my life into words.
The following is what I first wrote, I had to edit for Story Circle, but my original writing is here for you to look at.

If I were to Google Earth myself what would I see?

Would I see myself sitting here at my computer?

Would I see my house surrounded by fields and a small patch of forest?

Would I see Salem, Oregon bisected by I5 sitting along the Willamette River?

Would I see Washington state to the north, Idaho to the East, California to the South and the Pacific to the West?

What would I see?

If I were to Google Earth my family what would I see?

Would I see the birth of my parents one born in Bottineau, North Dakota the other in Leland, Oregon?

Would I see them meet and then marry in Seattle, Washington?

Would I see them move west from Missouri to Oregon by car just after the end of WW II?

Would I see their first home on Dearborn Ave in Keizer?

Would I see them journey to Portland, Oregon to St Vincent's Hospital to adopt me?

What would I see?

If I were to Google Earth my family what would I see?

Would I see my children grow up and drift away and then drift back?

What would I see?

If I were to Google Earth my family what would I see?

Would I see my first grandson being born with a cleft palate, before I knew he was my grandson?

Would I see my second grandson being born looking so much like his mother and nothing like his father, my son?

Would I see my two grandsons walking down the lane with my father between them, finally accepting them?

Would I see my daughter on the phone to me saying, "Mom I have something to tell you," and me knowing right away she was pregnant with grandchild number three, the first girl?

Would I see my second granddaughter being born, like her older sister, by c-section, like her mother and her uncle?

What would I see?

If I were to Google Earth myself, what would I see?

By Lisa Chretien, April 2011

Queen of Tarts

I almost forgot! After my last blogging session I went down to Queen of Tarts for some yummy soup and I had the most divine soup, Italian Wedding Soup, it was great even though I got the dregs which for soup I think is the best part. I missed the meatballs that are part of the soup, but the pearl pasta stuff was great and the broth tasty and bit spicy, just the way I like it.
So if you live in Salem and are near the City Center, that would be where City Hall and the Library are not the actual center, anyway stop by Queen of Tarts, not only do they have yummy yummy soup, but pastries too. I could do without the canned pop, but make do because the soups are so darn yum yum yummy.

A Homemade Life

I am still enjoying the memoir and it is taking me longer than normal because I keep stopping to cook some of the recipes. I am also discovering that my forthcoming interviews are squilching my brain. I'm making dumb mistakes about things I have read and actually publicizing my dumbness by talking about them in my reading circle. Sigh... Today there was talk of roasting beets and I said Molly had written on her blog about beets, but it was radishes. Sigh... I guess getting two of my not fond of veggies isn't a sin, but it really drives me nuts when I'm not accurate.
I want to go out and buy veggies, but I have to save what little money I have to travel to Gold Beach which is five hours from Salem. Gas is getting crazy. Gold Beach interview on Thursday and then Newport on Friday. I wish gas was cheaper then I could commute to Newport, well if I got the job there. I'd still have to move close to Gold Beach. Which, I am finding out is going to be a problem as it is a tourist destination so there aren't many, if any, affordable rentals in the area. Ah well, I guess I have to get the job offer first now don't I? Not sure about being a Child Protective Services Worker. You'd like to think the job is saving kids and is in their best interests, but my personal experience is much the opposite.
The day is beautiful and I have things to do. Hopefully, I will back later as I have some things niggling at my stressed out brain to come out.

My stomach's grumbling or growling take your pick

So, I found the blog and I really like Molly's writing style. Oh and there is a recipe for braising radishes, I loathe radishes. But on the bottom of the library is Queen of Tarts a bistro and the lunch smells are wafting up here. Grumble goes my stomach because the last time I was there I had a wonderful vegetable chicken soup, my first soup there was cheesey potato or something and it was wonderful too.
Must go check out my book, feed the meter, then see what soup is on the menu today. Oh and unload the 'puter in the FJ.
Remember how I said the library is noisy? Well I'm sitting here and there are two young men arguing about something. Interesting to hear the snippets. But it's the librarian in her open-doored office who I can also hear and that seems a bit odd to me. Don't care if it is lunch time or not.
Be sure to visit Molly's blog @www.orangette.blogspot.com she has yummy recipes on there, other than the radish one of course ;-)

At the Library

On my laptop at the Library and I am ... I guess livid is the word. I haven't been on my laptop for a few weeks and maybe the last time I was I didn't notice, but Kelsey and Matt have loaded stuff on it that I do not want, like Safari, though I think that is Kelsey because she is always in a hurry and just clicks shit to get it out of her way. The games take a lot of space, but not a huge deal, but making MSN the homepage on Firefox is a big deal. Again because she clicks to get things out of her way, much like Lauren does. Lauren who is four and shouldn't be fucking with my computers in the first place without someone sitting with her and watching her. You have to sit with her, because she just clicks merrily away and has up to ten windows open for the same game at the same time.
Ahhh, that felt better.
I totally forgot to check the time when I plopped money in the meter, I think I got here at 11 so I have about an hour and a half until I have either feed the meter, which would be a total pain because I have to pack up everything and walk out to the parking lot.
The library is a noisy place/space. Interesting since I thought it was supposed to be quiet space. But oh well. I got the next book for my reading circle, A Homemade Life by Molly Wizenberg. Probably will buy it on my Kindle as it has recipes and I think she may be close to my heart. Funny how many of the books we have read so far, well when I started, have really touched my heart. I've talked about them before so I won't do it here. I have just read the book jacket and already I know I will get it for my Kindle.

So I'm recommending it before I even get into the meat of it! Molly also has a blog www.orangette.blogspot.com
I'll be adding the blog to my list shortly. Not that it really matters as no one reads my blog, but just in case.