Two posts in one day!

This morning I woke up and as usual spent some time just laying in bed and thinking about stuff. The first thing that popped in my head was when my parents fostered a girl in the hopes of adopting her. Unfortunately for me and for Wendy, my mother wasn't very good at mothering two daughters. Also I sucked as big sister. I could say I was thrust into the role, but I that doesn't quite work for me. I just sucked at it. I had been an only child for 12 or so years, not too sure of the exact timeline, I was still at St Vincents so I know it had to be before Junior High, which was 7th to 9th grade in my time.
I just totally sucked, I didn't know how to sister her and as a family we weren't in any kind of counseling. My parents, ok my mother, wouldn't have gone to counseling. I know my dad didn't want to give up on working to be a family of four, but he always gave in to my mom no matter what.
The day the person came to get Wendy was a very hard time for me. My mother and father were not there for me, I didn't want Wendy to go once I realized what was happening. But I though she was sent away because of me, now I think it was because my mother just sucked at dividing her attention. If there were behavior issues with Wendy I wasn't aware of them and it was my parents' job to get her the help she needed. But for my mother to admit she was at fault or doing something wrong or letting me do something wrong, would have meant that hell was freezing over and zombies were walking the Earth.
Since that day, each time I had to give up a pet I have felt extreme anger at my parents. To this day I didn't realize that maybe it was that day so very long ago when my Companion was taken away from me. I know that I always felt her removal was my fault and my parents never said any different. Perhaps that was also the day that began the rift with my mother. If it had been just me and my father we would have muddled through and I would have a sister. But because of my mother I am an only child. My mother spent her life trying to arrange the right friends, activities, and even husband. None of that worked once I hit high school. She wanted me in cooking 4-H, I did that, and I did Horse 4-H and then joined FFA and raised sheep for a time.
I would have to say that the most support I ever got, that was given freely without reservation was when I moved home pending my divorce. Ok, sort of freely, because they hated my husband/exhusband. But they loved my children and helped me get my teaching degree. I know my mother was not at all happy with my choice of profession, but by this time she understood that I really didn't care about her opinion. I no longer craved or sought it out. She was my mother, she raised me, and I loved her.
Did I stay single because I didn't want the hassle of dealing with a man and my parents? Maybe, initially it was because I wanted to make I didn't make the same mistake. My kids were little and I wasn't willing to have a train of men in and out of their lives. I am also pathologically shy, so that holds a very close second. Would our lives had been different if I had gone husband shopping? Maybe, but we muddled through. I do wish I would have found a man who could show my son how to work on cars and other manly things. Actually, an old boyfriend did show up, but because of his brain injury from a motorcycle accident he remembered the old me and not the new and to this day he continues too. Yes, a symptom of the brain injury, but also one of his unwillingness to listen to the words I say in response to his inappropriate sexual questions, the latest high, or low depending on how you look at it, was to ask me if I ever had sexual thoughts about my male students! Really? Was he just stupid or crass or both? My instant response was of course, no. My second response was why would you ask that? He really didn't have a response and just changed the subject. Yes, brain injury, I get it, but I guess my response to the people who may say, "Oh Lisa, you have to give him leeway," is bullshit I don't! If you know you have short term memory issues, then you f...ing journal every moment you want to be sure you remember. Just a thought.
The good thing about being an only child is that now so far away from home, I may ache for my family, but I can deal with the solitude.

Are you a Whovian?

I think to be a Whovian you have to be a fan of Dr. Who from the beginning. So I guess I am a Whovian2. I have only been watching since 2005 with the reboot and the 9th Doctor. I really have little desire to go back and watch the older Doctors. A curiosity for sure, but no obsession. One reason is that I have this OCD need to start from the beginning, so once I found the old Who episodes, if they exist on streaming Netflix, I would at least have to start with the rejuvination to the 8th Doctor. Then I would wonder about the 7th, as well as, finding my favorite Companion Mary Jane and the faithful K-9.
I say Mary Jane is my favorite because of my introduction to her in whatever spin offish program she was in and then her reintroduction to the 10th Doctor. I especially liked her sparring with Rose as to who had the most unusual adventure with the Doctor. My favorite Companion? Maybe Donna. I don't consider River a Companion, but she would be my favorite for all the reasons that others speak about. She is the perfect foil to the Doctor before he knows who she is and because of that. It was a brilliant move to have her be the daughter of Rory and Amy. That she was Amy's companion as a child is something that I find intriguing on a somewhat evil level.
I'll keep watching Dr Who and the change in Companions that is coming. "Spoilers," are annoying and that it has already been broken that a new Companion is coming and who she is, is somewhat irritating. I figured Amy and Rory's tenure was coming to a close, new spoiler there, but giving us all a look at he new Companion is annoying. Perhaps BBC America has done this all along, I have only had it for close two years, so maybe they always do this. Patience is a virtue. I could care less if younger fans have a need to know, it is just annoying to be given nearly complete plots before they become available.
On that same note, True Blood is becoming stupid and insipid. I could care less about the young's obsession with vampires, the books are based on Sookie, not the freaking vamps or weres. True Blood needs to get back to its roots and stop rewriting entire swaths of who Sookie is to her devoted readers.
I am seeing close to the same thing with Longmire, but so far the scripts are still revolving around Walt. I so very much hope the writers of Longmire don't deviate from Craig Johnson's vision. I am still waiting for Dog to show up and tonight is the season finale. Dog is a cool dog and Walt's relationship with him in the books is so real that if the f it up I may stop watching altogether.

Travelling with Andrew

Andrew and I went to the Sumpter Valley Gold Dredge. It was a very educational day and I think he actually had a bit of fun. I wish it wasn't so far away from Hermiston, a nice field trip, but not when it is a four hour round trip, just driving.
I had Andrew with me for a little over a week and I so enjoyed his company. It was unfortunate that the apartment manager closed the pool because some residents are idiots. We did go to McNary Park, but the mosquitoes were absolutely crazy and we didn't stay very long. He can say he swam in the Columbia River, so that's cool.

We also went to Tamastsklit, not sure I spelled it correctly, it was really nice and we were able to take our time. I wanted to visit the Village, but my heat issues were not supportive of being outside in 90 degree weather.

Neglect

I have been doing a lot of writing. Hence, I have done little writing here. My three weeks with the Oregon Writer's Project is nearly up, only two days left. My writing over the last three weeks became more of soul search. I wrote about fathers, daughters, and Andrew. I presented a lesson on Japanese Internment and the novel Farewell to Manzanar. I have learned so much about writing and responding and sharing. I am also two assignments behind, this is a fairly typical state for me when taking a class, so I am not stressed. I have had a cold for five days, yes five, the directions on the package of DayQuil say to consult with a physcian if you are sick for five days. I wonder why that is? Since I don't need a doctor's note to miss work, I'm not gonna spend money on a doctor.
I think the dogs are pissed at me, we haven't gone a walk for over five days, yes not surprising, but they like the walks. I like the walks. But, unlike when I just feel lazy and then guilty because I don't take them for longer walks, I am fairly guilt free this time. My tinnitus is driving me crazy. When I get a cold, like this one, my ears get plugged and the ringing is so loud at times that I have to turn up the TV or radio or iPod. And though I have become used to the always present slight ringing, so I am never in silence, ever; the extra loud ringing is driving me crazy. Ok, not literally crazy, but it is very annoying.
I hope my family comes to visit me soon. The only one who has seen my new apartment is Andrew and that is because I came and got him. I miss them. I think it will get worse once I am through with the Writing Project because I really don't have any friends here. It's all me, but no interaction will be lonely.
I really miss my family.

In class :-)

Here I am in my second day of the OWP Institute! I am loving it, loving my new computer, and generally in a very good mood. I bought a new desk yesterday and almost broke it so bad I would have had to buy another. Good save on my part. Tonight I have the assingment of Madmening myself! I am excited.

New Computer

I hesitate to tell you all that I have purchased a new computer, because in about two months I will most surely be lamenting that I am bereft of funds. I should be just fine, but in case I'm not, just warning you ahead of time.
I start with Oregon Writing Project tomorrow. I am excited, I am scared, I am renewed. Yep already feeling the overwhelming need to start creating great lessons. Of course, I have to get Microsoft Office on this computer so I can actually edit and modify my old lessons and begin creating new ones.
It is a beautiful day and I think it is about time to take the dogs to the park for a walk. Stocked up with water in the car and ready to battle the blinking ticks.

How the voicing of annoyances help them go away

Ok, so they don't go totally away, but they move to the back and become less pervasive. It isn't that this hasn't to me in the past, it is just the realization of continued annoyances that have suddenly calmed. Yesterday I spent a portion of the afternoon venting with a colleague. It is sometimes a very, ok most times, bad idea to voice concerns, annoyances, etc to a colleague especially when it is about a mutual colleague. But since I have no friends here to vent to, she became the person I had to talk with. The worst part of being annoyed with a colleague is that what annoys you is sometimes previous baggage. But with the baggage unloaded the annoyance seems so much less irritating. When people do things because their heart is in the right place, it is difficult to be a critic, but sometimes the heart overrides the good sense. Sometimes it is the heart that is the issue, it is the mind. When we are just generally surly about everything that can effect everything we do while the attitude is with us. When that attitude bleeds over to others that have nothing to do with reasons for the surly attitude then that is a problem. I try very hard to not let my negative attitude spill over to my students. That is usually an advantage to the problem student of the day as I don't jump down anyone's throat. Which is not always a good thing, because students need to have throats readjusted from time to time.
I look forward to doing more direct instruction in the coming school year. I am excited to give the students some motivation to come to school. At least I hope the direct instruction gives them the motivation. I worry about having to align my class with what my teaching colleague is doing. I am so very anal about my lessons, about making sure the information, activities, etc. follow as I planned and him, not so much.
I am excited about attending the Oregon Writing Project Institute in Pendleton the next three weeks. Watch lessons that work and scary thought teaching one. I just have to find one I have used in the past that I felt was successful. It's been two years, but I hope that as go through those old lesson plans that I will find the ones that worked. I know some teachers are so invested in their lessons that they don't want criticism, good or bad, I relish it! I want to give my students the best that I can.
Today is gloomy day environmentally, I hope the school day is bright.